It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
