theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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