chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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