Already got asked if we're dating
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
