guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
