Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You made out with two different species that night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
