On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can you bring me the toilet please
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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