who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
