Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
