I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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