so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
