you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
