Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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