phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
