Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
