Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
