its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
