I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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