pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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