Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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