he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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