i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
