Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
