we're blogging at a bar
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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