A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
