In America we eat man semen.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
