Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
