Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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