i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
porn star boner night. come get it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
