i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
