What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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