Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My life is pants optional.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
