omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
