you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
