She is in my trunk
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
