Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
