just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
