please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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