Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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