After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
