dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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