i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
