I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
