i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
