My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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