in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
