Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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