we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
