She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
