I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
