That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
