Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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