ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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