I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
