pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
