Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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