He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
